Discover what is getting in your way and how to move past it

The baggage of parenting can be heavy to carry. You’re constantly supporting your children through tough emotions, changing friendships, helping them connect with others, and balancing the need for boundaries, whether it's around screen time or their mental health. It's a lot to juggle, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all.

As parents it can leave you feeling trapped in constant stress and self-criticism.

There is an alternative to the loud critical voice that you are hearing. It’s called mindfulness and self-compassion. You are about to find out how mindfulness and self-compassion are tools that you can use when you are struggling to be kind to yourself.

I’ll guide you through the 4 reasons why being kind to yourself feels like a struggle and how mindfulness and self-compassion practice can help you overcome it. Keep reading to see how you can continue to receive compassionate support beyond these words.

I see you, because I was that parent too struggling to be kind to myself. I remember one evening late at night “googling”, “what to do when you have an anxious child” and an article appearing on using affirmations to get you through difficult moments in parenting . I gave it a try.

I know how it feels to stand in front of the mirror, repeat the words 'I’m doing the best I can,' and still feel like you're falling short.

The thing is, it’s not your fault and you are not alone.

It’s easy to say those affirmations, but when you’re carrying the weight of your child’s emotional challenges, they can feel like empty words in the face of overwhelming stress and self-criticism.

Don’t get me wrong, affirmations have a place and if you read on you will find out how to move to a place where you can truly believe the words.

Self-compassion isn’t something you’re born knowing how to do as a parent. You are deeply conditioned by your upbringing, society, and your own inner narratives to be hard on yourself. But self-compassion is a skill, not an innate trait, and like any skill, it can be learned and strengthened with practice.

It is important to understand why being kind to yourself feels like a struggle and what you can do about it. And that’s exactly what this blog post is here to help you with.

Why am I sharing this? I believe that self-compassion is one of the most important tools for parenting that gets overlooked but it changes everything.

Don’t just take my word for it, I love this post from Kristin Neff who is a researcher and teacher of self-compassion.

The 4 reasons why being kind to yourself feels like a struggle and how mindfulness and self-compassion practice can help you overcome it

1. You keep on pushing through

You feel that you need to be doing all the things to find solutions for your child. You are overwhelmed and out of your depth and are striving to fix everything . That’s your role as a parent right?

You hold the belief that you need to keep pushing through overwhelm and feeling exhausted. If you slow down now that you are failing your child.

Instead you need to pause rather than push through. Mindfulness helps you step out of this cycle. It teaches you to pause and notice what’s happening inside you, rather than automatically pushing past your limits.

Mindfulness helps you to recognise your overwhelm, rather than pushing it away

Bringing your overwhelm into full awareness is the first act of self-compassion. It’s saying, “This is a lot, no wonder I feel this way”. You need to sit with this full awareness in order to be able to respond differently.

2. You are stuck in a cycle of self-criticism

The second reason that self-compassion feels like a struggle is that you are in a constant state of self-criticism and judgement. You spend far too much time saying “I should be handling this better”, “why can’t I manage this the way other parents do”and, “I am failing”.

There’s also a tendency to believe that self-criticism is an effective motivator to find a solution for your parenting struggle. Research shows that self-criticism is not an effective motivator and those who practice self-compassion feel less stressed , less anxious and cope better.

It’s time to move away from “I’m failing” and shift to “I’m human and parenting is tough” treating yourself with the same kindness that you would give to a friend.

What do I mean by treating yourself with the same kindness that you would give to a friend, it can often feel vague. In other words if a friend were in your shoes, what would you say to them? How would you support them?

Instead of beating yourself up for feeling overwhelmed, imagine what you’d say to a close friend who was struggling in the same way. Would you tell them they’re failing? Or would you remind them that they’re doing their best in a tough situation? If a friend were in your shoes, what would you say to them? How would you support them?

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion practices are a practical tool to break the cycle of self-criticism.

Examples of two practices that you can use throughout the day

1.Be Kind-You can notice the attitude that you are bringing towards yourself. Notice your “self- talk” the words which you are using and replace them with a gentler voice. As you bring this kind attention to yourself you might notice that you need to rest,take some fresh air or have a cup of tea. Or to look after yourself in some way, whatever it is that feels like a “kind action” for you.

2.Self Soothing Touch-This can be a great way to practice self-compassion. You can experiment with different ways such as using both hands over the heart, two hands over the centre of the heart, cradling your face in your hands or giving yourself a hug. When you physically hold your body in response to difficult emotions it moves your focus out of your head into your bodies so as not to be caught by the story lines of how you’re feeling.

None of these practices are rocket science, they're not ground breaking. The key is consistent practice. Real change comes from the compounding effect of small, everyday self-compassion practices, making self-compassion more natural and accessible in everyday moments.

As Christopher Germer says,“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”

3. You believe meditation is a luxury that takes lots of time

One of the myths of mindfulness meditation is that you need to be sitting in the lotus position for hours on end and that it takes a big time commitment.

I hear you when you say there are endless demands and that meditation feels like another task to add to the to do list. As a Mum of 4, I remember going to my first sit and thinking the same but I always remember what my Coach said to me “think of this not like another thing to do but that taking this time is giving yourself a gift”.

4. Affirmations are meaningless words

You are saying the words “I am enough”. It is a phrase that you repeat but you don’t feel anything.Affirmations work best when you can feel them.

If it feels false when you are saying the words, mindfulness helps you become aware of the resistance. Self-compassion helps you meet the discomfort with gentleness. When you approach it with gentleness the affirmation will eventually sink in. Applying a self-soothing touch by putting your hand on your heart will truly embed it.

In summary, being kind to yourself feels like a struggle because you keep resisting and pushing through and you are stuck in a cycle of self-criticism. You believe meditation is a luxury that takes a lot of time and that means affirmations are just meaningless words. The good news is that through mindfulness and self-compassion practices you can overcome feeling stuck and learn this essential skill to support you when you encounter parenting difficulties.

If you have read this thinking I need support in building this essential skill

Then I have got you covered

My 1:1 coaching will guide and help you. Book in for a chat and we can discuss the options on how I can support you

Book in for a chat and end that struggle

Why being kind to yourself feels like a struggle (and how to overcome it)